Let Go of Fears and Create an Amazing Life Story
Are you reading this blog because you are thinking about making a change in your life? Or perhaps you want to let go of fears that hold you back.
If so that is great news. It’s great because these moments in life are like key plot points in a good novel, they drive the story forward. This is an opportunity for you to drive your life forward and it is your story, so what direction do you want to go? What story do you want your life to tell? If you are the protagonist in your story, who do you want to be? What legacy do you want to create?
The challenges and fears you face come from your unconscious, for the time being you could see this aspect of yourself as the antagonist to your story. The part that gets a bit nervous as you start to think about giving me a call or sending me an email. The antagonist hates change of any kind, it would prefer that you stay in your comfort zone, where life is familiar even if it is not a good life at least it knows what to expect and keeps you safe. It does that by avoiding anything that it thinks might be a threat or unfamiliar. And of course most antagonists believe themselves to be the hero of the story and this is exactly what your unconscious believes, it’s keeping you safe, protecting you from danger.
The protagonist part of you, the conscious aware part of your mind, knows that spiders aren’t really life threatening, that you’re not going to run out of air if you get stuck on a tube for a few minutes in a tunnel. That people won’t really hang you out to dry if you forget some of your best man’s speech. You won’t die if you go to the party and no one talks to you.
Yet still the antagonist says, “WHAT! Are you crazy? You don’t want a promotion what if you’re no good at it! What if you have to speak in front of lots of people?” and it can come up with a thousand reasons why not to do something different with your life. Of course in a good book the antagonist is there to create conflict another driving force of the story, it adds excitement. Unfortunately it may be a cause of conflict but it’s not so exciting in real life, in real life the antagonist (that is your unconscious) can leave you feeling like you are going mad, not normal, never going to live a life that fulfills you.
In the meantime, your real hero is the protagonist, they want to create the best most fulfilling life for you. They want to take a chance on new things from time to time, not be held back by irrational or unnecessary fears. There are a few moments in any story, where your hero has to really step up. The first moment is called the ‘insighting’ event, the moment when you realize something in your life isn’t working, that something needs to change. If you’ve not taken that first step towards change yet, but you recognize that change is something you want, then this is that ‘insighting’ event right now. It’s really exciting and likely to be scary too. This is the event where you can either look back one day and say WOW I did that and look at how great life is now and in a good book that’s always going to happen. Or the book can flop as the hero says “Neah, let the other super hero do it” and sits back down in their comfy chair and watches a TV soap – not a fascinating novel.
Next we have the midpoint of our hero’s story. The point where they’ve gone so far, we’re beginning to see signs of real potential for change and possibility. Then for the ultimate change to happen, for the hero to win, they have to face their biggest obstacle, here is the most testing moment for our protagonists journey. Are they going to succeed? Challenge the edge of what they are comfortable with? Or are they going to let fear get the better of them? Go back to watching TV? Spend their remaining life seeing those around them living lives as they might have and wondering what if?
In therapy, I call this moment the tipping point. Just like in a good book those clients who reach this point have a decision to make.
The antagonist is in the background, plotting against their success, giving them reason after to reason to turn back. The protagonist is scared, not sure if they can really do this and the next therapy session is looming. The antagonist is a really mighty force and it could be all too easy for the protagonist to turn back, to run and hide from what could be an amazing, life changing, dare I say it, even world changing moment.
This powerful antagonistic force can be sneaky too, manipulating to the point of cheating you into thinking turning back is the best thing to do. That perhaps there is some reason why now isn’t the best time for this. When actually now is only ever the right time for anything. The antagonist is so powerful in fact that I now warn people who come through my therapy door of this possibility, so that they can remain aware and recognize that the fears are not who they are, they are just the outdated survival system that the unconscious is operating from. I do this because this tipping point is the point where you are closest to success and it is such a shame to have success right in front of you and not even know it.
“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game one foot from a winning touchdown.” Ross Perot…. Don’t let that be you.
In some of the best pieces of fiction, we often see that the villain and the hero have similar beliefs and values, it makes the story interesting and yet they act on those beliefs and values in very different ways. It is often the case in therapy too. The part that holds you back the antagonist and the part that wants to move forward, the protagonist, have a common set of values and beliefs, they just tend to act on them in very different ways. As part of your journey of transformation we can help to get the antagonist on your side. Once we recognize the common beliefs and values, we can begin to harness them to bring the power of both the antagonist and the protagonist to work towards a common intention, creating a story that is worthy of a great book.
What story have you been living so far? How could that story begin to change if you were free from fear?